Happy birthday to me!

My day started, unfortunately, around 4am when Zoltan had a nightmare. I managed to crawl back into my own bed an hour later. I did get to sleep until 8am, which is quite late in this house!  Opened birthday cards from the kids, made chocolate chip pancakes, and had a pretty normal morning.

We went ice skating and then back home for Terry to make my five hour duck for dinner. The duck was almost endangered - we couldn't find any in the stores - but the Allentown farmer's market came through for us and we brought dinner home from PA.

Happy new year to all, and happy birthday to me :-)

Beyond Baby

For many moms, especially in the early days, our identities are tied to the little ones. We all know women whose names we never quite caught, who were "Bobby's mom" or "Jenny's mom" throughout all our interactions.

Time passes, and all of a sudden we're looking at children who can fix their own breakfast or cross the street unaided. We've moved beyond baby. For many moms this time is unsettling.

Enter Meagan  Francis,  blogger at The Happiest Home. She's written a practical, step by step book that leads moms into life "beyond baby". The book includes a journal and provides specific actions - baby steps - to take each week during the 40 week course. Of course, we all know 40 weeks is the length of a pregnancy, but it's also roughly the length of the school year and as many of us only think about life beyond baby when the first or last child enters school, I think the choice has a nice dual meaning.

The book is broken out into five eight-week segments: Your World, Your Home, Your Relationships, Your Self, and Your Dreams.

It turns out I'm already well on my way to regaining my personhood. I have already pondered the topics and fulfilled many of the challenges in the early segments "Your World" and "Your Relationships".  Do I think this diminished the value of the book? Heck no! There is a surprising feeling of validation to see choices you've made be recommended in print. I am sad to admit that many of the topics and challenges in the Your Home section aren't exactly relevant/useful to one who rarely has a home to call my own, one where I'm allowed to buy a new couch or paint the walls.

For me, the issues raised in the last two sections were the most useful and relevant for my stage in life.The short term is so immediate. Taking a long view of where I want to be in the future, and how (if?) it aligns with how I am living my life now, was a tough but rewarding exercise. I think my favorite week was #34, almost at the end, where she challenges us to "Align your calendar with your values." Too often the week is filled with the to do list and a little too much Facebook time.This was a great reminder for me that life is short and we must strive every week, at the least, to live according to our values else we find we have no values at all.

Religious education

Our friends held their son's birthday party at their church this weekend. This led to a conversation with the kids on the car ride home about what a church is, who/what is God, what is a religion and what different religions teach/people believe. I had been largely stalling on this version of "the talk" as I have been very unsure what I want to teach my kids. Thus, such spontaneous conversations occur and I can't be sure I'm actually giving them the information I want them to have.

After some thought at the end of the conversation, Alex reveals:  "I think Leprechauns and flying horses are real, and God is not."  Terry was so proud. 

Kinda cool mom blogger news

I may have mentioned how much I love my mom blogs. One of them, The Happiest Home, ran an online course called Beyond Baby about how to figure out who we are when we aren't moms, especially as our kids grow up and need us less immediately and we had the time and space to be. Things went well and now she's writing a book. She invited blog readers to sign up to be on a "book launch team" and yep, I'm a lucky winner!  I will get a pre-release copy of the book and get to give feedback about various kinds of things along the way. The timing couldn't be better as the kids are getting more independent by the day at the same time I just re-entered the workforce and have been feeling more adult myself.

The book launches in time for Mother's Day (I believe, and understand schedules sometimes unexpectedly change) so I should have more to say about this - and I'll have a book review - coming up in the next month or so.

One Little Word 2014

Last year I jumped on the bandwagon. When I hesitated about something, I remembered to "trust". When I wondered about someone's behavior or questioned their motives, I remembered to "trust". When I questioned my own ability, I remembered to "trust". It served me so well I am doing it again.

This year my word is:
Health
I'll be focusing on all aspects: physical, emotional, spiritual.
http://aliedwards.com/blog/one-little-word

We survived the 7 year itch!

Well, not like there was an actual incident reminiscent of the "7 year itch", but as of today we have been married 8 years. For a super special anniversary, we are currently located in different states. I came to PA yesterday to transfer kids from Camp Grandparents to Slightly Less Like Camp Because Mommy's Here being held at Other Grandparents.

I'm too tired from parenting solo for 24 hours to say anything witty, pithy or adorable and loving, but hey, isn't that what marriage is really about?

Love you, dear!

One Little Word

This phenomenon has apparently been going on for several years but I'm only hearing of it this year. I'm not exactly au courant in general so why would this be different?

One word, that is meant to be a theme for your year. It can be something you aspire to, something to remind yourself of, something to think about. You determine what it means to you.

At first, I hesitated to write anything about my word on the blog. It seemed too revealing, too much information put out into the world for strangers to know (the irony will be apparent in a moment).


So ... here it is. My word for 2013.

TRUST

http://aliedwards.com/blog/one-little-word

Happy birthday to me!

What an auspicious start to my birthday. Piles of dirty dishes and laundry. Squabbling children. The conversation with Alex this morning went like this:
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
A: Muffins
Me: We don't have any defrosted. I'll take some out but they are frozen solid and won't be ready until lunchtime.
A: OK
Me: So what do you want for breakfast?
A: Muffins
Me: Do you want to try to eat a frozen one?
A: No.
Me: So what do you want for breakfast?
A: Muffins

It got even "better" when, after a lot of screaming and crying actual tears she tells me we have some in the cabinet. Because I love the sound and sight of her screaming and crying so much I'd lie to her about having any defrosted when we had some in the cabinet? I don't think so.

Naptime: Zoltan won't sleep, calls for me every 20 minutes and is hysterically crying because I keep telling him to go to sleep.Finally, I tell him to give me 10 minutes and I'll be back to let him get up. I show him what the clock will look like. I go away and pour a drink. 10 minutes later I dutifully poke my head in and hear that most glorious sound - deep even breathing.

And, I have my one little word (heard about this for the first time last week and already loving it!); I ate some ice cream from the Last Pint of Haagen Dasz; and my birthday roast duck is in the oven. We have plans for tonight that should be fun and the baby monitor seems to be working again after a week of constant interference.

And I live in this beautiful city

And sometimes the kids are like this

Mommy reality

I am so ready to go home and hold my babies! Before kids, I scoffed when I heard about women who'd never spent a night away from their 5 year olds, or similar stories. Now I get it. 2 weeks is a long time, let's hope if all goes according to plan and I make it into the FS that the Powers That Be make my assignment such that the family stays together, I don't know how well I would handle a several-months separation!

Happy #5

Dear Alex,

You're 5 years old today! It's a big accomplishment, all your years now fill a hand. You're going to start doing chores and learning to cut with the sharp knife. You'll start "real" school this year, where there's no more play time or nap time, just learning all day. I think you'll like it more than you seem to like the idea right now. We'll move to a new country this year, which is something you've lived through before but not your brother, who I think will be looking to you to determine whether this is something to mourn or look forward to.

You are a beautiful girl. If this keeps up, your looks coupled with your reserve will make most think that you're a snob. Friends worth the name will look past your face and see your intellect, cleverness, big heart, and sharp eyes. I hope your three favorites at school continue to treat you well, but as your wisdom grows I hope you also notice that when some kids are mean to you, it's because they are seeking your attention by any means necessary. It's a bit like when mommy's holding Zoltan and you want some of that.

Five years ago everything I knew about myself was transformed. You have brought me so much joy (and while we're being honest here, a decent amount of pain too!). I'm so looking forward to the next 5 ...

Love,
Mommy

Sleeping babies

I never get tired of watching the kids sleep. Note that Zoltan deliberately moved the pillow to be halfway down the bed.

Close encounters with identity theft

I planned to spend part of Sunday evening writing about our recent trip to Veliky Novgorod. Instead, it was entirely derailed by a phone call.

Woman: "Hello? Can I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Poczak? I'm calling from XXX Airlines and wanted to let Zoltan Poczak know his flight tonight is delayed..."
Me: "Zoltan is my 2 year old son, he is definitely not on a flight tonight. Can you tell me what kind of credit card was used?"
Woman [says the type, then the last 4 digits, no match for any of ours. We start freaking out anyway. She asks if she can call back on this phone number? Sure]

I start Googling what to do if your child's identity is stolen, and it turns out I have to send to any of the 3 main credit bureaus (1) a copy of his birth certificate; (2) a copy of his social security card; and (3) a copy of my drivers' license.  Um, if my kids' identity has been stolen, how safe am I going to feel sending through the mail the exact items that would enable anyone to more effectively steal his identity?? Let's not even go into the fact that for me, the absolutely fastest FEDEX-type mail i can use still takes close to a month to get to the USA and the option of certified mail is not available to us (once more, the glamor of a foreign service life).

The same woman calls back later and apologizes that it was a misunderstanding. She said some number was similar - it sounded like she was saying the phone numbers on record were similar so I was incredulous: "You're saying there is a another Zoltan Poczak with a similar phone number?"

So now I am thinking she's part of the scam, somehow, because that is just not possible. We freak out some more, try to find any possible way to do something regarding Z's credit life (on a Sunday) and it finally occurs to me to call the airline and see what I can find out.

The only phone number on the entire site is for reservations and even then the automated system made me demand 3 times to speak to a human before it relented. I sorely regret I never caught the name of the woman who answered the call, because she was pretty awesome. I apologized that I wasn't making a reservation but it was the only phone number, explained the story, and explained I wasn't even sure anymore where the fraud lay - did someone from XXX Airline even call us - but that something sketchy was definitely up. She was able to check on that flight and ... it turns out there is a Zoltan with a similar last name who was indeed booked on that flight. He had a traveling companion, same last name, first name none of ours.

What were the odds?

We'll still pursue things with the credit bureaus because it's still sketchy and how did Zoltan's Frequent Flier number get involved (the only way they could have pulled up our phone number), but now it's less of a panic to do it later this summer when we are actually in the USA and where Fedex or registered/certified mail are all options and all take mere days to reach their destinations.

Happy Mother's Day

It's now the tail end of Mother's Day.  This is how I celebrated it, thanks to the hilarious and fabulous ladies at Rants from Mommyland:

1.I donated to World Birth Aid (http://worldbirthaid.org/) in my mother's name. This was her Mother's Day gift. I promise she didn't get shafted, she got a great gift that lets her shove her adorable grandchildren in anyone's face at anytime - a brag/charm bracelet with their photos.

The organization does one thing, make and distribute Clean Birth Kits to mothers without access to proper sanitation to avoid post-birth infection, which often leads to death. A whopping 1 in 13 women in sub-Saharan Africa die post-childbirth due to complications during and after childbirth. For comparison, in industrialized nations that number is 1 in 4,100.

2.I signed up to give another momma the Mother's Day she was due. A bunch of the other Rants readers made super awesome gift boxes full of personalized stationary, or bath salts and lip gloss, or thoughtful handwritten cards giving encouragement.  Me? I live overseas and mail takes a month to hit the States. I had a week to organize and deliver something. So ... Starbucks gift card from me. With a Twitter-sized card allotment, so I couldn't say much more than Happy Mother's Day. But, she'll get it and hopefully she'll get it as I called myself her Mother Pucker which only makes sense if you know about the Mother Pucker project.  And now you can read all about it.

3. Terry made waffles for breakfast, Alex put on a sock with a heart on it because she loves me, I got to go to Ikea and buy stuff I wanted that Terry very much didn't want and he didn't argue with me at all, and I got a nap.  I got hyacinth plants for International Women's Day and a handmade card from Alex back then so I can't really complain about Mother's Day. It was everything I wanted or needed.

My inverate skeptic

This Christmukkah Terry and I participated in a form of "direct charity" via a blog I have come to love, Rants from Mommyland (www.rantsfrommommyland.com). The gist was that mothers in need wrote to the bloggers, and people who wanted to help also wrote in, and we were matched up. We sent store gift cards in whatever denomination we felt comfortable giving. It was a total exercise in trust and faith, perfect for the holiday season.

My husband is a skeptic and that's being gentle. Our compromise was that I'd sign up to help 2 people and we'd send each half of what I really wanted to send - that way we were a bit "protected" as it was very unlikely that both of our matches would be scammers.

Read THIS to see what happened to one of the bloggers in the aftermath of the experiment (warning, if you have any heart you'll tear up a bit).

In today's mail came a thank you note from one of our matches (the online store sites required a return address on the gift cards, so she got it there). My husband's comment was that it was no guarantee that she hadn't been a scammer. It kinda make me want to smack him upside the head, but instead I stared at him until he agreed that was ridiculous.