Thursday, May 17, 2012

Nipple

I am supremely new to "foreign service blogging" as a community. In fact, I am pretty sure my readership is still entirely made up of family. I haven't even put up the standard FS blogger disclaimer because my mom knows I have no official capacity to say anything about anything. I am also pretty new at actually talking about thoughts and opinions on my blog, previously sticking to travelogues and the cute things the kids say and do.

But here's the thing. This is a "Foreign Service blog" anyway. No matter who hears it, thinks it, or believes it. No matter if there isn't a single actual or potential member of the Foreign Service who reads it, has ever read it, or has even heard of it. When one member of the family becomes paid by the US Government to be in the Foreign Service, everyone else is immediately recruited.  What my children and I say and do is being watched (and not just in the spy thriller way). I bite my tongue when, in the USA, I wouldn't. We're not just along for the ride, we are part of it.

One source of frustration for me has always been meeting FS people, either paid or family, who are surprised by some facet of our life that is easily discovered through any of many online or print resources. As an academic at heart, I research everything thoroughly. The more important the issue, the more important is having full access to all relevant facts.

There is a theme here. There is a reason I'm ranting about this in a post entitled Nipple. Gimme a minute.

The #1 reason FSO/FSS leave the Foreign Service is family issues. It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to train and security clear each person. It's really in everyone's interest to be sure that person intends to stay. If the spouse is unhappy, and said Officer/Specialist still likes said spouse, that staying is less likely.

Blogs are one of the very best ways to learn about the real nitty gritty of FS life. You have hundreds of people writing about their actual daily life. Living "on the economy" is very different from living somewhere as part of the FS community. It matters to know what it's like. It matters to enter an A-100 class with every literate family member having some sense of what's coming up. Because what happens to the Officer/Specialist happens to the family. We get separated and employees go to places where they will be shot at. We DON'T get separated and family members come down with dread diseases, risk kidnapping and muggings on a scale not one USA city can match, or our parents die while we're still on the flight back to be with them during their last days.

One member of our community, one of the earliest and best Foreign Service Bloggers, was recently removed from the blogroll State uses as a recruitment tool. Jen Dinoia's story is here and here. The gist is, receiving the diagnosis of breast cancer while your husband is on an unaccompanied tour is too personal and not FS enough. One specific example of inappropriate content was her mention of "nipple cozies". The odd thing is that the story itself, how DOS let her husband curtail from an AIP assignment, found him a job in DC to be with her throughout the ordeal, and MED working to find a suitable onward assignment the entire family could go to, is a great recruitment tool - a story of how State put families first.

Here's some more bloggers who are writing about this in solidarity with Jen, much more eloquently that I have.

Here's from Life After Jerusalem: What makes a blog an FS blog?
And Connie at Whale Ears and Other Wonderings: Not FS Enough
And Sadie Abroad: Nippletastic: A Rant for FS Bloggers
And Noble Glomads: Don't tell us who is relevant to us
And The Wandering Drays: "Nipped in the blog"
And Well That was Different: It's the Little Things
Four Globetrotters: Nipples, Nipples, Everywhere
dp's Blog gives us: I guess I'm not as important as I once assumed

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Alex is too clever

So, Alex broke her arm about a week ago. Since then things have been interesting:

- Since the break she has been asking for help getting dressed. Especially getting shirts over the cast, I had assumed she needed assistance. Last week was a holiday Monday through Wednesday, then Thursday was her doctor's checkup so her first day of school was Friday, and I picked her up before naptime. Monday was her first full day back. She loves gym class, and it's the last class of the day so I made sure to get to school before class as I knew she couldn't participate. Imagine my surprise when I got to school and found her all dressed and ready for gym!  I asked the teacher if she was able to participate and she started laughing. No, of course not. What happened was that when all the other kids got changed for gym, Alex just got herself changed too. Little sneak!

But wait, it gets better.

Monday evening around or after dinner time she started complaining that her leg hurt. Like with her arm, there's no outward sign of anything wrong, no swelling, discoloration, she can wriggle her foot and toes. Nobody had witnessed anything that could have caused it and Alex kept saying she didn't remember what she did or when it started. Suspicious. We put her to bed.

The next morning she keeps it up. VERY consistent. Continually refusing to put any weight on her leg, complaining it hurts to much, etc. I tell her we'll have to go to the doctor and get an x-ray on her leg if it hurts so much. I call the Consulate doctor at 8:30am to ask what to do. In the end, the Consulate doctor says she'd be more comfortable if the same doctor who did the last x-rays did these and he didn't work until 6pm so we'd have to have the appointment then. Alex says she doesn't hurt when she just sits, only when she puts weight on the foot. I tell the nanny to get her to the park, she can stay in the stroller if she hurts. My nanny offers to bring us to a regular (public) clinic and we can get an x-ray for 200 rubles. I say it's OK, we'll wait til 6pm. She suggests we bandage the leg for more support. I find an Ace bandage (talk about being prepared!) and we wrap it up. Alex is now willing to put a teensy bit of weight on her leg and says it helps a little. I head out to work, only 1/2 hour late.

A couple of hours later my nanny texts me "We are in the playground. Alex forgets about her leg." One hour later "I took off the elastic, Alex complains it's too tight, now she is walking around the house normal."

That little bugger. But wait, it gets even better.

I come home at night and she's on the floor playing with something. When the nanny leaves she gets up and STARTS LIMPING.

She's only 4. How will we survive her teenage years?

Victory Day




May 8 commemorates the day that WWII ended in Europe. As the capitulation document was signed after midnight Moscow time, May 9 is Victory Day in Russia.

In St Petersburg, there is a memorial ceremony on May 8 at Piskaryovskoye Memorial Cemetery. This is the cemetery where about 420,000 civilians and 50,000 soldiers of the Leningrad Front were buried in 186 mass graves.

At this memorial ceremony the full panoply of military, religious and diplomatic representatives are present and all members of the diplomatic corps lay wreaths. As it would be unseemly for the Consul General to carry his own wreath, volunteers are needed to carry it. Terry and I both volunteered and we both got the job.

We'd never been to the cemetery before, and it was of course one of those days that makes death all the more poignant - clear, sunny, warm in the sun and cool in the shade. Trees were starting to bud and some green leaves promised flowers to come. The ceremony was solemn and emotionally moving, very simple and of course we didn't really understand much of it. Our attention was largely focused on not dropping the wreath, which was not overwhelmingly heavy but awkward to carry. I am happy to say it made its way to its final resting place intact.

Then comes the surreal part. One of the honorary consuls general (a Russian) invited all the other diplomats to his car for a drink. Note I don't think it was quite noon yet, or maybe just on the other side. When we arrived we found a table set up with vodka, wine and zakuski (appetizers/snack, such as blini, pickles, tea-type sandwiches). There were many toasts that Terry and I are happily insignificant enough that nobody cared whether we drank or not, so we each got away with nursing a glass of wine.

Basically, we tailgated the memorial service. Woot woot to Russia!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

It's now the tail end of Mother's Day.  This is how I celebrated it, thanks to the hilarious and fabulous ladies at Rants from Mommyland:

1.I donated to World Birth Aid (http://worldbirthaid.org/) in my mother's name. This was her Mother's Day gift. I promise she didn't get shafted, she got a great gift that lets her shove her adorable grandchildren in anyone's face at anytime - a brag/charm bracelet with their photos.

The organization does one thing, make and distribute Clean Birth Kits to mothers without access to proper sanitation to avoid post-birth infection, which often leads to death. A whopping 1 in 13 women in sub-Saharan Africa die post-childbirth due to complications during and after childbirth. For comparison, in industrialized nations that number is 1 in 4,100.

2.I signed up to give another momma the Mother's Day she was due. A bunch of the other Rants readers made super awesome gift boxes full of personalized stationary, or bath salts and lip gloss, or thoughtful handwritten cards giving encouragement.  Me? I live overseas and mail takes a month to hit the States. I had a week to organize and deliver something. So ... Starbucks gift card from me. With a Twitter-sized card allotment, so I couldn't say much more than Happy Mother's Day. But, she'll get it and hopefully she'll get it as I called myself her Mother Pucker which only makes sense if you know about the Mother Pucker project.  And now you can read all about it.

3. Terry made waffles for breakfast, Alex put on a sock with a heart on it because she loves me, I got to go to Ikea and buy stuff I wanted that Terry very much didn't want and he didn't argue with me at all, and I got a nap.  I got hyacinth plants for International Women's Day and a handmade card from Alex back then so I can't really complain about Mother's Day. It was everything I wanted or needed.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Math major

Alex has trouble falling asleep. Usually I tell her to think of all the words she knows that start with A, then B, then C etc til she gets sleepy. Tonight she didn't want to do that so I told her to do addition tables, i.e., 1+1, 1+2, 1+3 etc up to 10, then 2+2, 2+3 etc.

She's 4!

Of course, one of the other October kids read a book today. Honest-to-goodness new book he'd never seen before, at the library. He's always been the smarty-pants of the bunch.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Adventure and Mis-Adventure Vilnius: Sightseeing

Our main purpose for traveling to Vilnius was to spend time with our good friends, but of course one must go touristing when one visits a new city.  On Friday we attempted to take a bus tour. On the company's web site the pickup time is listed as 10:30am. On the brochure we had, the pickup time is 10:30am. On the ad on our taxi's video monitor as we left the city, the pickup time is listed as 10:30am.

At 10:20am we met our friend at Town Hall Square (5 minutes from the hotel) and went to the pickup location. Pickup time: 10:15am. Grrrr. So we went on our own tour with me reading the Vilnius guide book out loud and my friend driving us around.

Here's the brick masterpiece of St Anne's Church.

Here's Cathedral Square.

And some random kitty cats



As mentioned previously, on what turned out to be a blistering hot Saturday my friend filled her car with us and her children and we jaunted out to Trakai Castle. Here it is:


On also-hot Sunday we attempted to visit the Museum of Genocide Victims, housed in the former KGB headquarters. For some  reason, I successfully go arts-ing (museums, ballet, etc) with my children individually, but when the whole family is together it's chaos.  The stone blocks that form the building's outer walls have the names of the individuals who died in that place and their birth and death carved into the rock. I really wanted to get some photos but there was too much hysteria.  The museum was interesting and definitely worth even the mere 30 minutes we spent there.


Lastly, here's Terry carrying the kids off into the sunset on our last night there, at Belmontas restaurant. It's what Karl & Friedrich in Piter wishes it could be.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Pretty little princess

I asked my mom to send some light cotton summer dresses for Alex to wear. To the park, the playground, that kind of thing. Here's Alex modelling her favorite one.


And of course, whatever Alex does Zoltan must do too.

I admit, he's got a good curtsey. Think he's ready for an audience with the Queen?

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Rite of Passage

Our poor Alex. Yesterday evening she ran into the kitchen to give me some good news (she won a game with Terry) and slipped in her slippery socks and fell, using her arm to break the fall. She complained of the pain, except for when the TV was on. No swelling, no discoloration, she could move her fingers. Figuring she just banged it hard, we gave her Motrin and ice packs and we did dinner, bath and bed.

This morning she continually vacillated between "mommy I hurt so much" and "it doesn't hurt at all" so once it was late enough to call a doctor at home on Sunday I called the Consulate doctor to confer with her. She advised we wait and see for a few more hours and we did, eventually deciding to get an x-ray. She called the clinic that was walking distance from our apartment, set it up and called me back to say they were there and waiting for us. I pack a bag, throw Alex in the stroller and we race down there. We get to the reception area and the girls there have no idea who we are, who we're there to see or why we're there (they do speak English so it wasn't my bad Russian) I eventually have to call our doctor again to put her on the phone with the receptionists and they do indeed find me in their system.

The doctor came out, asked "shto slushilas?" (what happened) and between Russian and pantomime I think he understood that she ran and slipped and fell. He felt her arm and said we'd go for the x-ray. Of course Alex was very nervous but she was brave and did everything the doctors said to do. They let me stay in the room with her too, which helped a lot. The picture came right up on the screen in the room and they showed me the fracture. The doctor even said "fracture" so I am pretty sure that's what it is.

He then said something to the effect that they didn't need to do anything, just the arm needs  .... and then pantomime of something around the arm. I asked "splint"? and he said yes. Turns out that was a miscommunication because he meant that she didn't need surgery and she only needed a cast. So he was probably amused when I asked if she needed to wear it all the time.

He led us to a hallway with a bunch of clusters of chairs in front of doors and said something I didn't quite catch, so I asked Alex if she'd understood. "Yes, he told us to sit down." I am sure she hears that command a few times a day at sadik! so I figured she was probably right. And she was. They put the cast on, which was another nerve-fest for Alex but I held her good hand and she clung to the stuffed animal she'd brought and we made it through. She has to wear a cast practically up to her armpit for 2 weeks, then they can cut off the part from the elbow up and she has to wear the shorter cast for 2 more weeks.

One thing I will say - from the moment the cast went on she had not once complained about pain.

From the minute I walked out of my house to the minute I walked back in was a bit over 2 hours. Not bad for what was essentially an ER visit on Sunday afternoon.

Adventure and Mis-Adventure Vilnius: Posh (or not)

As mentioned previously, the Stikliai is a fancy hotel. Beautiful. When Secretary of State Clinton came to Vilnius, she stayed here. When my friend mentioned to a friend of hers we were staying there, the friend mused we must be posh. Ha!

I guess we joked about being "not-posh" too much. The night before we checked out, as we were on our way out to dinner the lady behind the desk asked when we would leave the next day to get a sense of our checking out needs. I mentioned we had to go early. She then said to me with a "particular" tone of voice, Queen Latifah head roll and much eye blinking "Well, how were you planning to pay?"

W. T. F.???????

I restrained myself from strangling her right there and simply said I had assumed there would be someone at reception at 7am to process our checkout.

Does this hotel really have a history of deadbeats? What was it about us that made her question our intention or ability to cover our hotel bill?

Every single other member of that hotel's staff treated us professionally, graciously, and kindly. They all smiled at the kids when we walked through the lobby. I hate that one damn fool had to mar such a special experience.

The kicker is that while we were out that night the airline called us to say the flight was cancelled and we were re-booked on the earlier flight (6:00am). We decided we really should do the checkout that night when we returned as there may not be someone available to process us at 4:30am. Terry went down and spoke with a different woman. She assured him that she herself would be at the desk at 4:30 and would happily process us then and we could call to have our bags picked up when we were ready (it did in fact take the bellboy all of 5 minutes to get to our apartment after we called).  This makes the first woman's comment and attitude all the more WTF?

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Uzupis

My friends live in this neighborhood of Vilnius called Uzupis. Well, it may be a neighborhood. It may also be a neighboring country, as Uzupis announced its secession from Lithuania on April 1, 1997.  The region celebrates its independence day on April 1 and has its 41 point constitution posted in several different languages along a brick wall. Provisions include the serious: "Everyone has the right to hot water, heating in winter and a tiled roof." and the less serious: "A cat is not obliged to love its master, but it must help him in difficult times." The full Constitution is here.  Here I am reading it:



The most famous monument is the Angel of Uzupis...


Like in Russia, the custom of married couples locking a padlock on the wrought iron of one of the bridges is alive and well. We even saw one that was particularly special to us.



After our sightseeing, we stopped at a random cafe (Uzupio Picerija) for a snack. Who knew? We each got what were essentially blini and they were fabulously delicious. Thus fortified, we headed over to Tibet Square, a little park right by the bridge out of Uzupis that has Tibetan prayer flags all about as well as some sweet wooden swings hanging from several trees.